Are you addicted to your personal fitness device?

Absent Husband has become attached to his personal fitness device.  Without naming brands, it’s the type usually worn on the wrist and helps you track your fitness.  They’re actually quite ugly to look at, but users don’t seem to care and wear them regardless, like a badge of honour.

Like all good personal fitness trends, users can become addicted.  For example, they have been known to check it more often than they check their emails.  They become irate when they don’t have it on and they have to walk somewhere. All those steps wasted!

They spend the day waiting for the smiley face the device gives them when they’ve reached their target.  They will often go around the block if it means getting to their goal before the day is out.  This often makes them late. And even then they take sneaky looks under the table to check it throughout.  And of course, they will then bore you with you how many steps they’ve done.  What is really scary is that to users, the validation from these devices are often more important than human ones. 

Despite this, however, sales are rocketing and it can only be a good thing.  Keeping fit should never be mocked and I must admit I am tempted to get one.  However, that would no doubt lead to a competition between Absent Husband and me.  And that could be very exhausting!

Lines composed in the National Portrait Gallery

Your Country Needs You

The eldest ladies knitted slowly with time and skill,

Eyes straining and fingers knotted

The green and brown wool in aproned laps.

The matrons, their young, hanging off their arms, knitted faster,

A margin of error in their work

But someone’s got to get the meal on.

The young women knitted and gossiped,

A hidden valentine in the ribbed lines

To a sweetheart faraway in the trenches.

Kitchener needs you

The posters read

The man pointing

The young men marching

And the women knitting.

As if a pattern of lines in wool

Can keep the enemy away.

Vanessa Woolley

June 2015

I've been on a diet - a word-loss one that is....

For the past few weeks I have been editing my novel for the third time (or is it the fourth, I lose count).  This editing involved reviewing the plot, checking grammar/typos and looking at style and content.  What was clear from the end of it was that I  hadn't shed much weight.  At 107,510 words I was still toting a hefty tome.  My goal was to reduce it down to 100,000 but I've only managed to shed 2,000 in the editing process.

So desperate measures were required.  I needed to go on a diet.  But how?

As we do with real diets,  I consulted the professionals.  In my research I came across a fabulous self editing manual called 'The Word Loss Diet: Professional Self-Editing Techniques' by Rayne Hall.  This book is available in book format or as an ebook.  It is probably one of the most useful writing books I have ever read.  Why?

Because like any good diet manual, it gives you easy to understand rules and exercises.  Where a diet book will tell you how to count calories and what to replace them with; this book tells you what words are 'obese' and how to slim them down.  By following some of the editing exercises she suggests, a writer could lose up 20% of their words without any major change to their plot.

For example, could you do without could?  Huh? - I hear you ask.

Instead of telling us that a character could see, could hear, could smell, could feel etc, let the character see, hear, smell, or feel.  Thus, 'could see' becomes saw, 'could hear' becomes heard and 'could smell' becomes smelled and so on.  It would be even better if you cut see, hear, smell, feel.  If you have established the point of view of your story, you don't need to say that your PoV hears the sounds, smells the smells and sees the visions.

Here's an example:

Obese (before diet) - She could hear horses galloping down the lane.
Overweight (mild diet) - She heard horses galloping down the lane.
Slim (strict diet) - Horses galloped down the lane.

or

She could sense that something was wrong.

She sensed that something was wrong.

Something was wrong.

The best way to find these unnecessary words is use the Find and Replace function in Word.  It's a tedious and laborious method but quite effective.  It gives you the chance to find these words, kill them and therefore reduce your word count.

The same method applies to many other surplus, calorific words, such as began, turned, looked, turned to look, started, see, seemed, replied and continued.

Another popular overuse with new writers is 'sighing'.  Everyone sighs all over the place, and their 'hearts' are always 'beating' or 'thumping', clocks are 'ticking' and so on.  And don't get me started on 'smiling'.  There are so many smiles going on that the actual effect of the smiles wears off when EVERYONE smiles.

When I did the Find and Replace exercise for some of the above words, this is what I found:

I used  -

TOLD 324 times
COULD  291 times
SAID 228 times
LOOKED 226 times
REPLIED 136 times
SEE 130 times
LOOKING 123 times
SMILED 118 times (my characters are a happy bunch)
LOOK 105 times
TURNED 104 times (they all get a bit dizzy)
COULDN'T 97 times
FEEL 97 times
STARE 85 times (they're a nosy bunch)
HEAR/D/ING 81 times
HEARTS 56 times (well, it is love story)
CONTINUED 55 times
BREATHED 54 times (thank god they are breathing, but 54 times!)
SIGH/ED 54 times (see what I mean about everyone sighing)
BEGAN 45 times
SEEMED 42 times

There were many multiple uses of other words too.  I couldn't believe how often one of my characters looked at the clock for example.  Or how frequently they 'turned to look' at something, or 'turned to speak'.  Apparently, next to the word 'look', 'turn' is the most overused word in beginner submissions.

If anything, this exercise helps you hone your writing.  Without even realising it we slip these unnecessary words in.  But if you can seek them out and reduce them, your writing will be so much more sleek and slim and punchy.

The book also gives tips for writing snappy dialogue, removing abundant adjectives (how many times have we all said something like - a teenaged person, instead of a teen) and adverbs (saying it rained heavily which uses threes words instead of it poured which uses two), and tightening the plot.  All of these things can help to produce a lighter manuscript.

Good luck.

Pampered Pooches

Faithful Hound fractured his toe recently and I have spent quite a few hours at the vet. All that waiting time got me thinking about dogs and how mad we are for them.  In 2014 there were 9m dogs registered in the UK.  That’s twenty four percent of households with a pooch living in them.  And it’s big business.

This dog-centricity has even made it locally with the opening of a doggy spa, which offers as one of its products, a Deep Sea Mud Bath.   Why would you want to pay for your dog to wallow in mud when they can jump into a swamp in the woods for free?

And if you want to earn some money to pay for all this pampering, you could always become a dog walker.  A recent survey has found that professional dog walkers can earn an average of £26,500 a year.  I know: I did a double take as well when I read it.

However, fond dog owners beware.  One of the candidates for the new head of the RSPCA believes that all dogs should be liberated “from our firesides”.  Yes that’s right – Faithful Hound should have his collar removed and be set free – out into the world, no longer enslaved to us.  That would be interesting.  I wonder how far he would get?  Probably the front door step and if we didn’t let him back in, there’s always the Doggy spa down the road or a friendly dog walker - for a price that is.

I am hoping you will 'like' this column

You’re on Facebook – Scroll down - a picture of a dog ‘like’ - a picture of a kitten ‘like’- a shared picture of something funny from the election ’like’, and there it is…

A post from a friend showcasing their holiday of a lifetime in thirty photos;

Another friend pointing out their child’s achievement in SATS or GCSEs

Or a friend’s attempt at cycling 500 miles in two days

 And then there’s the friend who has just posted from a bar sipping champagne in a gorgeous outfit while you’re in the kitchen surrounded by the debris of family tea.

And another friend is at Wimbledon, in Centre court, for a final…

That is the moment when it hits you that your life is boring and you are unfit and your children are failures and you never do anything exciting. 

Sound familiar?  Then you are suffering from Facebook envy. It’ s a legitimate condition.

How can we deal with this?  Don’t go on FB would be the logical solution. But the voyeuristic lure is too strong.

 So, here’s an idea: instead of posting about athletic prowess, tell them how good you are at getting the grocery shopping done in half an hour. Or post photos of yourself prostate on the sofa with a glass of wine in one hand and the remote in the other.  You never know, they might be suffering from Facebook envy too.

 Of you…

When does research overtake creativity?

Could I be going across to the dark side?

 This a question I posed to myself when I found I’d spent over an hour investigating grisly murders and how forensics are used to determine criminal activity.  I was going online to quickly review cases where DNA from a suspect has been found even though the body has been exposed over time to water.   This is the case in my book and in the final drafting of the novel I wanted some confirmation that I was forensically correct. 

In my perusal, I found myself drawn to other cases and to science -based websites both places I normally don’t like to dwell in.  It’s all very well to watch ‘Silent Witness’ and other such shows, and to read the grisly stories of great crime writers, but to find myself inhabiting this ground and actually contemplating writing something along those lines is quite frankly both scary and daunting.

So how much research is needed for a romantic suspense?  How much detail is required to convince the reader that the story is plausible?  We know DNA evidence can be obtained and analysed from skeletons going far back.  Indeed the recent discovery of Richard III’s bones has confirmed that.   So yes, it’s easy for the bones of my character to be confirmed as her (using her living sister’s DNA), but how do I then connect these pile of bones to a murderer? 

There are many cases in real life that my story mirrors, in particular, the Lady of the Lake.  In this case, the body of Carol Parks was found in Coniston Water twenty-three years after she was reported missing. The body had been wrapped in a pinafore dress, a canvas rucksack and plastic bags, tied with several knots, and weighed down with lead piping. But even the fact that the gown and rope were under water for so long did not stop experts identifying the murderer from DNA samples. DNA analysis is now so advanced that forensic scientists could pinpoint the killer from the most minute of samples. Thus her husband, who was not originally a suspect, was arrested and convicted of her murder.

Bone is one of the best sources of DNA from decomposed human remains, as in the case of a body left in water. Even after the flesh is decomposed, DNA can often be obtained from demineralized bone. DNA from bone has been used to identify the repatriated bones from Vietnam era servicemen, and the remains of the White Russian Romanov family who were executed during the Bolshevik revolution.  Like bones, teeth can also be an excellent source of DNA, long after the rest of the body has decomposed.  All of these facts have allowed me to identify the body of my victim through DNA bone extraction and comparison with a living relative.  So far so good…

However, it becomes more difficult when you then want to align the victim to their killer.  That is when my pedantic side comes out.  How credible can my forensic information be?  After all, this is meant to be a romantic suspense not a crime novel.  How much will my readers be willing to believe before they begin to question the plausibility?   

The reading of the first draft of my novel by a reader from the RNA New Writer’s Scheme received good feedback.  They liked my plot and didn’t guess the killer.  But more importantly, there was no reference to lack of plausible forensic evidence.  So is it just me who is raising unnecessary questions about who, why and where?  Am I overburdening myself with the whole issue of research and fact finding?  And more importantly, is this just another way of avoiding actual writing? 

When is research for your writing really just procrastination?

For those of you who do wish to write a crime based novel, there are many books out there to use as reference guides.   These books cut out the terminology and give the writer a brief insight into the true world of criminal investigation.  I found “The Crime Writer’s Guide to Police Practice and Procedure” by Michael O’Bryne quite useful, especially as it reflects the British criminal and police investigation methods. Another good book, although this one is more USA based, is D P Lyle’s “Forensics and Fiction: Clever, Intriguing and Downright Odd Questions from Crime Writers.  Both these books were very helpful.  And of course, the best way to get your head inside a crime is to read novels by the many great crime writers out there. 

A final word of advice -  remember to delete your Google history in case someone comes across it and wonders why you have been searching “how to kill someone and leave no trace.”