I am hoping you will 'like' this column

You’re on Facebook – Scroll down - a picture of a dog ‘like’ - a picture of a kitten ‘like’- a shared picture of something funny from the election ’like’, and there it is…

A post from a friend showcasing their holiday of a lifetime in thirty photos;

Another friend pointing out their child’s achievement in SATS or GCSEs

Or a friend’s attempt at cycling 500 miles in two days

 And then there’s the friend who has just posted from a bar sipping champagne in a gorgeous outfit while you’re in the kitchen surrounded by the debris of family tea.

And another friend is at Wimbledon, in Centre court, for a final…

That is the moment when it hits you that your life is boring and you are unfit and your children are failures and you never do anything exciting. 

Sound familiar?  Then you are suffering from Facebook envy. It’ s a legitimate condition.

How can we deal with this?  Don’t go on FB would be the logical solution. But the voyeuristic lure is too strong.

 So, here’s an idea: instead of posting about athletic prowess, tell them how good you are at getting the grocery shopping done in half an hour. Or post photos of yourself prostate on the sofa with a glass of wine in one hand and the remote in the other.  You never know, they might be suffering from Facebook envy too.

 Of you…

When does research overtake creativity?

Could I be going across to the dark side?

 This a question I posed to myself when I found I’d spent over an hour investigating grisly murders and how forensics are used to determine criminal activity.  I was going online to quickly review cases where DNA from a suspect has been found even though the body has been exposed over time to water.   This is the case in my book and in the final drafting of the novel I wanted some confirmation that I was forensically correct. 

In my perusal, I found myself drawn to other cases and to science -based websites both places I normally don’t like to dwell in.  It’s all very well to watch ‘Silent Witness’ and other such shows, and to read the grisly stories of great crime writers, but to find myself inhabiting this ground and actually contemplating writing something along those lines is quite frankly both scary and daunting.

So how much research is needed for a romantic suspense?  How much detail is required to convince the reader that the story is plausible?  We know DNA evidence can be obtained and analysed from skeletons going far back.  Indeed the recent discovery of Richard III’s bones has confirmed that.   So yes, it’s easy for the bones of my character to be confirmed as her (using her living sister’s DNA), but how do I then connect these pile of bones to a murderer? 

There are many cases in real life that my story mirrors, in particular, the Lady of the Lake.  In this case, the body of Carol Parks was found in Coniston Water twenty-three years after she was reported missing. The body had been wrapped in a pinafore dress, a canvas rucksack and plastic bags, tied with several knots, and weighed down with lead piping. But even the fact that the gown and rope were under water for so long did not stop experts identifying the murderer from DNA samples. DNA analysis is now so advanced that forensic scientists could pinpoint the killer from the most minute of samples. Thus her husband, who was not originally a suspect, was arrested and convicted of her murder.

Bone is one of the best sources of DNA from decomposed human remains, as in the case of a body left in water. Even after the flesh is decomposed, DNA can often be obtained from demineralized bone. DNA from bone has been used to identify the repatriated bones from Vietnam era servicemen, and the remains of the White Russian Romanov family who were executed during the Bolshevik revolution.  Like bones, teeth can also be an excellent source of DNA, long after the rest of the body has decomposed.  All of these facts have allowed me to identify the body of my victim through DNA bone extraction and comparison with a living relative.  So far so good…

However, it becomes more difficult when you then want to align the victim to their killer.  That is when my pedantic side comes out.  How credible can my forensic information be?  After all, this is meant to be a romantic suspense not a crime novel.  How much will my readers be willing to believe before they begin to question the plausibility?   

The reading of the first draft of my novel by a reader from the RNA New Writer’s Scheme received good feedback.  They liked my plot and didn’t guess the killer.  But more importantly, there was no reference to lack of plausible forensic evidence.  So is it just me who is raising unnecessary questions about who, why and where?  Am I overburdening myself with the whole issue of research and fact finding?  And more importantly, is this just another way of avoiding actual writing? 

When is research for your writing really just procrastination?

For those of you who do wish to write a crime based novel, there are many books out there to use as reference guides.   These books cut out the terminology and give the writer a brief insight into the true world of criminal investigation.  I found “The Crime Writer’s Guide to Police Practice and Procedure” by Michael O’Bryne quite useful, especially as it reflects the British criminal and police investigation methods. Another good book, although this one is more USA based, is D P Lyle’s “Forensics and Fiction: Clever, Intriguing and Downright Odd Questions from Crime Writers.  Both these books were very helpful.  And of course, the best way to get your head inside a crime is to read novels by the many great crime writers out there. 

A final word of advice -  remember to delete your Google history in case someone comes across it and wonders why you have been searching “how to kill someone and leave no trace.”

Exam Stress Take Two!

In May 2013 I wrote a blog about exam stress.  At the time Eldest Son and Younger Son were embarking on study leave for their A levels and GCSEs.  Well, here we are two years on and once again the heavy cloud of exam revision is upon us. This time it is Younger Son in the A level seat and Only Daughter riding the GCSE wagon. 

The scene is similar – books, folders and laptops spread across the large dining table as they study across from each other, both of them plugged into IPods. The pages of my diary are jammed with exam dates and times so that I make sure I am around to drive the into school and pick them up.  The larder is stuffed full of potential snacks and food and I am trying really, really hard to project an aura of calm motherhood.  LOL!!!

Only Daughter is now known as The Machine in our house.  This is because of her ability to revise for hours on end without stopping.  She powers her way through work and if the mock results are anything to go by, it should pay off for her.  She needs no prompts or support from us other than a plate of food in front of her from time to time and an assuring hug when she’s feeling stressed.

Younger Son is another matter altogether.  Two years ago I was a policeman, always ensuring the PlayStation and TV remain in no man’s land.  This time around, Younger Son (much more stubborn than his placid older brother) is defiant.  He has chosen to ignore my warnings, telling me that at eighteen he is more than capable of determining when and how long his breaks should be.  And I guess he’s right.  He knows what’s at stake – two As and a B and his best University choice.  But still, it’s hard as a mother to let them have that slack.  You could argue that if I was at work, I wouldn’t know what was going on, and you’d be right.  How do working parents cope with these situations?  It’s all about trust and when you have a child who is clever and capable but has a short attention span you just have to let them find their way.  You have to trust them.

Just hope it pays off in August….

Who's afraid of Blue Monday?

So apparently today is Blue Monday: the day someone decided we would all be hit with a heavy load of depression. This third Monday in January has been called this because it is thought to be caused by multiple factors: miserable weather, broken resolutions, post-Christmas debt and weight anxieties. Usually the credit card bills have dropped through the letterbox by now and the weight loss plan has gone awry. And the cold bleak weather which is acceptable at Christmas now becomes painful.

After the adrenaline rush of Black Friday way back in late November when we all lost our minds for a short period of time over the cheap price of electronic gadgets, and the wonderful mulled wine mist of Christmas we are now hit with nothing except long stretches of cold days and nights and not being able to go out because of bills. We sit on the sofa trying hard not to drink any alcohol because of Dry January (another term worthy of discussion) watching the endless award ceremonies where glamorous stars in designer clothes walk along sunlit red carpets in sunnier climes. Is it no surprise therefore that most of us feel a little less than gloomy?

Diet experts warn against eating and drinking too much sugar and caffeine products over this sad period: Apparently caffeine, found in coffee, cola and energy drinks, is often called a ‘drug’ as it acts as a stimulant and can improve the feelings of alertness, and counter the effects of fatigue. Therefore too much caffeine, particularly in people who are not used it, may cause the adverse effects of irritability and headache.

Hmm. So not only will we wake up feeling very depressed today, but we really shouldn't try to cheer ourselves up with a cup of coffee and a bar of chocolate. I don't expect a glass of wine is a good idea either. However, do not fear, I have come up with a few reasons why we should put Blue Monday back in its box and forget all about it:


1) Ligher Evening are on their way- It may be dark when you get up and when you get home from work. The trees are still bare. But at least it’s all going in the right direction now and today the sun will set at around 4.30 pm. It’s practically time to get the barbecue out.

2) Dry January - if you are taking part in not drinking all month, then you’re over halfway there.  Only twelve days to go until you can have a drink.  Or alternatively, if you are not taking part, then you've only go twelve days left of hearing people tell you how much better they feel and how much weight they’ve lost.

3) Broadchurch is on tonight and Wolf Hall starts on Wednesday -  need I say more?

4) Check out Facebook and YouTube for some photos of fluffy pictures of kitten/puppies/ducklings.  They always cheer me up.

5) Waitrose Pecorino and Basil Dip - out of this world delicious but not so good if you are trying to lose weight.    Enhanced by glass of white wine so not necessarily a good idea if you are doing Dry January (see 2 above).

6) Tomorrow is Tuesday and will no longer by Blue Monday.

Seriously though. It's only a day.

Too Much Choice?

It’s great to have choice isn’t it?  To be able to scan down a list of things and choose something you really want or need.  It’s wonderful to have the chance to pick colours or flavours, or even sizes.  That kind of choice is great.  Especially because it’s your choice and no one has foisted it on you.

But I do wonder if perhaps we have taken it all a little too far.  For example, a trip to a coffee shop can often be rather stressful. You place your order and are immediately asked if you want “an extra shot”, or “caramel flavouring” or “a cake”.  The thing is, you’ve stood in the line long enough to know that all your really want is your original choice – a coffee, a cappuccino, an espresso or a latte. If you’d wanted a latte with an extra shot and caramel syrup served with a large chocolate brownie you’d have asked for it in the first place.  You know your own decisions.  Don’t you?

It’s the same with certain shops now.  You go to buy a newspaper, or maybe a birthday card or a pen refill and they try to sell you half price chocolates or stamps.  Really?  If you wanted those things you’d have picked them up by now.  And isn’t constantly offering half price chocolates merely adding to the obesity problem we all so concerned about. Ditto above paragraph in the coffee shop.  This kind of pressure overrides all our good intentions and our own personal choices.

And then there’s the bank.  I don’t go in very often these days – it’s all online now or cash is withdrawn from the hole in the wall.  However, there are the odd occasions when I need to bank a cheque.  This transaction should be very straightforward.  Hand over the passbook with the cheque – thank you very much – but no.  Questions must be asked – services must be offered.  Once again – no thank you.  If I wanted home insurance I’d be asking for it right now.

And don’t get me started on the Post Office.  Stamps – pah!  Parcel postage?  Maybe you might want guaranteed the next day?  Signed for?  Insurance?  Your own personal jet to fly it there for you?  OK, I made that last one up.  No thank you kindly Postal worker, I just want to send this parcel first class that’s why I am here in the first place.  If I wanted to send it guaranteed next day, signed for and with insurance I’d tell you.  Honest.  So stop bugging me and just accept my choice.

Don’t get me wrong.  I am glad I live in a society where I have choices.  There are some who don’t have such luxuries.  But what I would really love is the chance to be able to make them all on my own and not have them questioned all the time.  That’s all I’m saying.

January 2015

New Year but there's still the washing.....

It's amazing isn't it.  A New Year sweeps in full of hope and bounty, making us sweep away the dust and cobwebs of 2014 and bring out all those resolutions and promises for the coming year.

But there is one thing that never changes.  Clothes are still worn and still  need to be washed.  I so wished I could have had the robotic housewife I asked Santa for, but twas not to be.  Sure I love my jewellery and boots Absent Husband gave me, but my very own housekeeper would have been the icing on the cake.

Talking of Absent Husband - he's around a lot these days and whilst helpful and useful (read IT support), he does seem to manage to walk passed the washing machine with not so much as a brief glance.

So unless someone invents the housewife robot, or clothes that don't get dirty, or heaven forbid a child helpful and keen, I guess I will just continue with loading and washing and drying and folding and ironing.

Beetroot juice and red wine in the shopping trolley. The adventures of Absent Husband at home

Absent Husband (who by the way is now no longer absent) is on a red thingy diet.  After reading an article in the paper about health for men over a certain age, he now drinks beetroot juice in the morning(yep you read it right). In the evening, red wine takes over the red rule.  I am beginning to think he is a vampire.

Now I don't have a problem per se with this whole beetroot thing.  But it does mean that we all live in fear of a spillage and it has made the weekly shop more expensive.  Talking of the weekly shop, Absent Husband came along with me the other day (I told you he was around at the moment). Now that was an illuminating experience.  Along with said beetroot juice, many other exotic and unusual things were added to the basket and of course, the levels of wine bottle purchased made the weekly shop a good 30% higher than normal.

But the purchasing doesn't just stop at food. Absent Husband has also managed to buy a shredder for his office.  Noisy.  A hedge trimmer for the garden.  Noisy.  And a cordless vacuum to make life easier?)  Noisy.  

Lucky for me I can go into the shed.